Im Heejin's Diary

  Dear Diary, It's a known fact, might even call in a norm to be influenced by the surrounding's pace. Grow up, go to school, learn, get into good universities, graduate, get a good job, get married, have kids, grow old, go to the next life. The the cycle resets itself. A paced meticulously believed by generations that it's close for discussion on changes. Past experiences was what brought upon such tradition. Understandable yet questionable. Shouldn't it be up to the person themselves? Shouldn't it be them against the world with their own sets of beliefs that they believed to be right for them? Whether or not they follow veteran's advice, that's all on them. Even if it ended up blowing up on their faces, discourage shouldn't happen. Shouldn't there be more moral support while they're trying to figure out who they truly are? So many theories yet so little courage to go thrive with judgement keeping a close eye on them. Don't you think so?

Looks like nothing will ever stay the same except for memories. I've decided to do some re-vamp for this blog page. A new cover according to how I feel as of this moment. I put on some scenic anime as a background which I have been obsessed with lately, even my office's desktop has it.  I also change it daily. The thought of how such gesture shows who I am as person really speaks. I chose the color pinkish red because I just love this color - OOH I GOT PRINGLES! My sister just got back from the convenient store and bought me Pringles! Okay, back to business. I chose this color because I felt drawn to it lately, as how I'm quite soft lately. Which is so unlike me. I think? Last, the highlight of all these changes is the background music! The amount of satisfaction of this feature has me floating on cloud nine. I have always have music in my heart, literally. It has been my escape since I first encountered it n my early years. To p...

Time flies when you're busy trying to live your life as how you possibly wanted to. It flew quickly that made you stop in your steps and reminisce the events that had long passed. Events that gave you; joy, tears, heartache, emptiness, realization, guilt, sorrow, gratefulness, and just life as it is. Today marks the 6th year since my grandmother passed away. 6 years since she took her last breath on the first day of Raya. 6 years since the first Raya celebration that we didn't bring her along to my dad's hometown due to her health condition. 6 years since our daily feud of randomness. 6 years. Thinking back, It's inevitable, death that is. We will go back to where we came from. That's for sure. Al-Fatihah

Personally, I think It just became much sadder, When you could actually feel lonely, And actually started to cry while listening to a such upbeat and happy song. Don't you think? You start to think what is it that you want in your life. Everybody else just seems to have a goal set in their life while you just, Nowhere.

The thought of just ending it all here, Right now, Came more often lately. Funny isn't it? Sometimes I think that it's overly dramatic, Ya know, To get hit by a car intentionally, To drown, To jump off a building, To shoot myself, Or even just down lots of pills, Just so I could be at everyone's attention, To get everyone's sympathy. But that just makes it even sadder than it already is. I don't want to burden people around me, I don't want to make people around me sad, But have they thought that maybe... I would be sad if they something? Hahahaha Of course they would. People around me are good people. I'm the lunatic, Crazy bitch without a heart to share 🤣

Quiet surroundings. A choice I chose. Overthinking. A lifestyle I picked. Living in a state that you always end up nowhere. I chose that. I can't blame anyone if I feel like a useless being, Who can't even done a simple task given, Who can't even stop thinking negatively about every single thing in this life, I let myself do that, I didn't stop myself from doing it. It was always me. Always. You know that point where you just question everything, Everything single choice you've made, Why you're shirt like that? Why's your hair like that? Why can't you be like them? What's wrong with your face? What's wrong with you? What?