Beauty is only skin deep .

Dear Diary ,

Assalamualaikum and Annyeonghaseyo .
I realize that I seldom update my blog since the year 2013 started .
If I'm not mistaken ,
this would be my second post , right ?
Right ~
==' 

Anyway , this moment I'm going to post about something that I need to let out from heart based on this old saying :
Beauty is only skin deep .
- Outward appearances is not as important as the inner qualities of a person or a thing .

Not long ago ,
I used to hold onto this saying when it comes to my friends .
But , lately I think that I'm starting let go on holding onto this saying , especially when it comes to boys .
At first , I was trying to hold onto it but it gets looser in a minute , if you know what I meant .

If you know my case , then you would know what I'm talking about.
It's normal for humans to like a human who is good-looking , right ?
I used to be all , " I look at their personalities not their looks ! " .
Hah ! , What a fail ! .

Truthfully , I felt guilty and ashamed to those involved .
I felt like I'm being selfish all by myself  .
It's like I enjoy hurting and crushing their inner feelings .
No , I didn't meant to do any of that .
It's just.....
I can't .
Once I declared one's on friend-zone or brother/sister-zone , they would be staying in that zone for a while .
It's hard for me to change that zone into a higher zone because I already set my heart on only accepting that one on that zone .
Not low , not high .

But , people were seen to be on that one's side and mostly not on mine .
I don't mind .
Even I think myself as a jerk .
Selfish .
Arrogant .
Heartless .
Heart of an ice .
and so on ....
I didn't mind at first .
But its slowly eating me inside .
I started to think , 
" Why are they forcing me ? "
" Why can't they see from my point of view ? "
" Why can't they try to understand my feelings too ? "
"Why can't they support my opinion , my decisions ? "
" Why can't they just stop ? "

Since then ,
my mood would always die down every time that issue was brought up .
Every time they see me , they would bring that issue up .
E-V-E-R-Y-T-I-M-E ! .
I'm tired !
Can't you just give me some space for me to breath ?
Can't you respect my decisions ?
Can't you ?

All I want to say is .....

I'm sorry ......

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