Unexplained Ache

Dear Diary,

Assalamualaikum & Annyeonghaseyo .
Here I am typing away on my father's laptop's keyboard ,
in a hotel room located near Penang.
The clock just strikes 12:20 ,midnight .
22 December of 2013 just started 20 minutes ago .
I'm accompanied by EXO's Miracles of December .
How the song affects the things that I'm about to type .

It happened again .
Wondering what I meant by that statement ?
My heart aches suddenly , again.
In my mind ,
I wonder if it is because of the fan fiction story that I just finished reading or was it something else ?
It aches even more due to myself not knowing the real reason behind this heart ache .
It is not the first time I felt this kind of feeling but,
it is also not that often that I felt it .

Right now ,
I just want this feeling to vanished .
Why ?
Because of this heart ache ,
I'm doubting myself in a lot of matters .
Matters that I was not supposed to doubt in .
Matters that I , myself, created .
Matters that involves people's feelings .
They are not ordinary people.
They are the people that played a strong role in my 17 years of life.

Am I being an idiot ?
Am I being selfish ?
Am I being greedy ?
Am I being a heartless individual ?
Am I being a vicious person ?

That is not all .
I have so many unanswered question marked sentences running through my mind,
that I could not bring myself to type it here .
My heart aches so much that I could not express it correctly into a sentence form .

My friends and maybe the strangers I never met probably thought that I'm just bluffing away .
They would thought that I'm a child not a mature individual .
Well I'm not .
I'm just like the other teenagers in this world ,
currently going through a difficult phase into the adult's world .
A phase where a serious decision must be made .
A phase where it does not only counts one's feelings but other's also .
A phase where the painful truth was being thrown to one's face .
A phase where fairy tales was only a fiction .

How I'm praying to Allah ,
to bless me with strength to overcome the obstacles that is in front of me .
Because only Him that will never abandon me whatsoever .
Only Him that can help me go through the obstacles of my life .

ONLY HIM .



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